Pride

I'm back! It's been a busy month (in a good way) having friends and family visit and AB was on a very easy going rotation. But everyone is back home and AB is back on his medicine rotation which means him coming home before 9 pm is a good day. 

At any rate, today we're talking pride.

The thought of working for minimum wage with a PhD degree during grad school was a sense of relief or even something I yearned. What I would have given to be able to show up, work my hours, and then go home. I would be compensated if I worked overtime, expectations and tasks would be obvious, and I could go home without bringing any baggage. I joked I would have been happier bagging groceries than running experiments at times. But was I really OK with that? Probably a classic case of the grass always being greener on the other side.

So how green was that grass because I've got my degree and I'm working below minimum wage + commission. I now show up to work when I'm assigned to and when I clock-out I am not expected to do much else other than make sure I show up when I'm supposed to again. Well, it's not that green. Maybe something like this as opposed to this. One thing I had not considered was my pride - which at the time I thought was non-existent.

I do not view myself as someone that gets my jollies from having a certain status or extra letters at the end of my name. Although, if I am honest with myself I would have to admit that I expect people to be some what impressed with my accomplishment and I feel I am a notch above the majority of the population for the same reason. I of course am very uncomfortable acknowledging this about myself.

Let's talk numbers for a moment. According to the Education Attainment portion of the 2011 census, only 3% of the population 25 and older have either a PhD, EdD, etc or professional degrees such as MD, JD, etc. If we don't include the professional degrees then we are only 1.5% of the population 25 and older. Those are small percentages! The numbers say I'm part of a pretty exclusive club. 

I understand that having this degree doesn't make me a better person or even necessarily smarter than others, but it does mean I have achieved something that not many others have. I lose sight of that (I was shocked it was only 1.5%) because I have been surrounded by people with advanced degrees. But back to the matter at hand. My pride. It exists and the numbers (although not necessary) justify it for me.

It has been difficult knowing I am working a job a high school student without a diploma could do. Not only that, but the employees there (most of them younger) are doing a better job than me. Here's this chick with a PhD that can barely work the register at times. It's also quite the change of pace when you go from being the expert on your project to knowing much less about the products they sell which also contributes to my feeling incompetent. 

The majority of customers walking in probably assume I'm in college (at best) and I am sure many don't even give me the time of day if there is an inkling that I may not know the answer to something. I so badly want to say, "I'm not an idiot I promise! I have a post-graduate degree! I'm part of the 1.5%"... ok maybe I'd leave that last one out.


I can't blame the customers for thinking that way though. I realize I too judge people or make assumptions about them even if I don't mean to or want to. 

Last week a customer came in to discuss digitally archiving her 50 scrapbooks and complimented me on my engagement ring which led to a discussion about AB and what he does and how we met. Her husband is a retired internist physician that had worked at Scripps, which is what AB is in line to do. Eventually I told her I had a PhD in chemistry (the first and only time I've ever relayed this information to a customer) and I could almost hear the respect growing inside her. At the beginning of the conversation she seemed weary of the amount of money she would need to spend and whether we could handle the task. Once she heard I had this degree it was as if she had this new found confidence in me and we instantly had another level of connection. She ended up being my biggest sale that day.

This job has been a change of pace in a lot of ways, but one I don't think I mentally prepared for was the lack of acknowledgment of my background. I've had to swallow my pride and tuck away Dr. Chiang as quickly as I attained that title. Ironically, what makes me feel better about myself nowadays is talking and being affiliated with chemistry.

The ACS Conference, an event where ~16,000 chemists congregate to eat and drink chemistry for a week, was in town a month ago. I went to take advantage of the career center and meet up with friends. Just being in the presence of other chemists made me feel like "oooh look at me with my ridiculously large badge and tacky lanyard. I'm special."

So despite my desire to run away from chemistry while I was in grad school, now that I'm no longer there I seek ways to affiliate myself with it again to increase my self-worth. The grass really is always greener.

Twenty Eight

Birthdays (or celebrating any aspect of me) can be tricky. I have difficulty admitting that I like being the center of attention - to a degree. I'm not brave enough to admit it fully. 

Modesty has become so engrained in my mind that being otherwise has subconsciously become labeled as being bad, arrogant, or self-centered. So how dare I want to be surprised, given gifts, or acknowledged just because I decided to waltz out of the womb on a day that happens to coincide with the mathematical constant, pi. Although I have no problem admitting being born on pi day is pretty much the coolest thing ever.

Awesome pi earrings I wear on pi day from Celina.
(Click on photo to enlarge)

But lets face it, I'm human and I respond to encouragement, positive feedback, and wrapped gifts with my name on it. 

Self-acknowledgment was the crux of my therapy sessions while I was in graduate school. It was here that I began to attempt to keep my self-judgments for wanting to celebrate whatever it was about me to a minimum. It continues to be a work in progress.

So when AB asked where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner, with minimal hesitation I responded, "Roys". It is a pricey Hawaiian fusion restaurant I had my eye on since last March when I was in Anaheim, CA for a conference. Then AB and I happened to move into an apartment where there is a Roys in the shopping center across the street!

We went, we ate, and I loved every minute of it (especially the part where we didn't know how to eat the edamame). I completely underestimated how satisfying it could be to get something you wanted, not needed. The trick is to not feel guilty about it! 

Here are a few out of focus photos of our meal:

Instead of bread they serve edamame. 

Mango Mojito

Appetizers

Duck Confit & Roasted Mushroom Flat Bread
Arugula, Parmesan Cheese, Balsamic Nitsume

Korean Soup
Braised Short Rib, Daikon, Carrot, Potato, Cilantro, Chili, Aromatic Beef Stock

Entrees

Boursin Stuffed Chicken

Potato Pave, Chinese Long Beans & Shiitakes, Orange Cranberry Compote, Pinot Noir Reduction 

Shisho Crusted Salmon 
Bacon Wilted Spinach, Caramelized Onion Polenta, Roasted Red pepper Dashi

  

Dessert

Pear Tart 
Puff Pastry, Goat Cheese Cream, Streusel Powder & Salt Caramel

Roy's Melting Hot Chocolate Soufflé
Raspberry Coulis, Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

So for everyone that took the time to wish me a happy birthday whether by phone, email, text message, or Facebook (it's a chance to reconnect with people you don't normally correspond with), thank you! And I'm obviously grateful and appreciative to those that gave me gifts :D. It does make me feel special.

I also have a tendency to feel guilty for liking pretty shiny things like jewelry because it's expensive and unnecessary. Well, check out what AB got me...

Happy 28th birthday to ME!

Lightroom 3 Test Drive

Since moving I have spent several hours on Craigslist searching for cheap used furniture, apartment decor, and possible jobs (photo or science). 


A UCSD student advertised on there he was looking for subjects to shoot for his photography class. I decided this would be a good opportunity for some free engagement shots. I recently received the photos he took and decided to process* one myself just to give Lightroom 3 a spin - so far I love it! I didn't think the first photo I would introduce on this blog would be one I didn't take, but I loved this one too much not to share.


*After a photographer obtains the digital form of their photos (either from a digital camera or scanning negatives into a computer) they typically process, correct, and/or enhance it using programs such as Photoshop. Lightroom 3 can be thought of as Photoshop-lite or (or iPhoto Deluxe). It gives you more control over what you can change plus many many other functions. 


For this particular photo below I cropped, adjusted the white balance, increased the contrast, and adjusted the exposure.

Engagement shoot at Windansea Beach in La Jolla, CA.
(click photo to enlarge)

Photo credit: Tim Marymee

PS. We've been to a few beaches around here, but this was our first visit to Windansea. It is breath taking. Not a ton of beach space, but a lot of large rocks and bluffs to sit on and watch the ocean and surfers. I highly recommend it if you're ever in the area!

** This purchase of Lightroom 3 made possible by former roommate Matt and my parents :D **

Trial by Fire

My first day at work was Wednesday and I have never felt more out of my own element. Training consists of trial by fire. You get fed some information, but you start serving customers on day 1. I don't know that I have ever felt so incompetent. 

"Ritz Camera UTC. How may I help you?"

"Hi. I'm wondering if you guys have intervalometers for Canons."

What the crap is an intervalometer??? I had never heard that word in my life! 

Between bugging the manager who was with a customer and trying to buy time without sounding completely moronic to the gentleman that called I some how was able to answer the customer's question. 


After answering a few more phone calls and watching the manager make sales, day 1 was thankfully over. 


Day 2 brought more challenges, but it also brought progress. A gentleman walked in looking for a camera bag and after I showed him how to adjust the slots he said he'd take it. My first sale! 


I helped two more gentleman later in the day where one bought a Sony USB flash drive and the second a Sunpak 6200 tripod for $49.99 + tax. I answered more phone calls and was asked about more products and brands I had never heard of, fumbled at the register, dropped receipts, and took way too long to find photo orders customers were picking up. Although for day 2 I guess it was as good as it could be. 


Today was day 3 and I sold my first big ticket item. I sold a Nikon D5100 kit (awesome camera by the way), a Sunpak LED macro ring light, and a warranty plan for a whopping $1083. That was the highlight of my day. 


As the day went on the store got busy and I was limited in my ability to ask for help or to check whether I was doing something right. The manager had to retake a passport photo I had taken for a lady earlier after I had told her it would be ready in 15 min. Another lady was dropping off 4 rolls of film (yes, people still shoot with film and it's awesome) to develop and instead of being a 5 minute process it felt like I kept her there for a half hour because I didn't know how to ring the order up. A few other things happened that just served as reminders that I was new and didn't know what I was doing. 


As I was looking at the schedule for the next two weeks I felt myself on the verge of a panic attack. I am petrified of a customer calling me out on not knowing my facts and taking it out on me or worse on the store by not coming back. I'm scared of taking a print order and it not being done within the hour I said it would be. I'm afraid the manager and employees might question how I ever made it through grad school because I seem so incompetent. 


I know these incidences sound minor and normal for someone on their first few days, but I swear I feel I'm going to be responsible for the collapse of the store because all the customers I interact with will think I'm a complete idiot. 


A part of me really wants to quit because I just feel so ridiculously uncomfortable, but the other part of me knows that this is great for me. Putting myself out there, making myself vulnerable, forcing me to think on my feet, and trying to make a sale are all experiences I can learn from. I just wish these experiences came with training wheels.